Here is the first review I received of the script. The reviewer is Julie Balloo, a site expert from the Write words writers web site:
I really enjoyed reading this short. It's very visual and each twist and turn is a joy to uncover. It might be nice to inject some faux romance at the top, just to give it even more depth. Obviously at the beginning we're thinking he's going to dump her so it would be interesting to have a are they/aren't they subtext which is then totally blown away. I thought that line as he climbs the stairs - 'I told her I was leaving but only on my terms' sorry about the paraphrasing, I can't cut and paste for some reason, is a bit wordy. It just jarred and took me away from the mounting tension. Loved the ending, very clever. I was left wondering though if Jim wouldn't perhaps have a little nudge or wink line to Henry suggesting that he knew Henry couldn't hurt him. I might be completely on the wrong track, so let me know."
I'm really happy with this. If anyone reading out there has their own comments/review of the script (good or bad) then please post it as a comment.
No comments:
Post a Comment